Pride of man, Landmark of Mercy

Reading through the old testament is at times very trying for me. I have so many questions which left unanswered seem to bubble up into confusion. Bricks of misunderstanding are progressively stacked upon each other-  a wall of confusion regarding God's wrath, man's sin, & culture differences reaches higher & higher to block my view.

There is something remarkable, however, that never fails to triumph any frustration. When God speaks, His voice breaks through the stone walls. His power obliterates them to nothing. His voice is power & his breath is life. He speaks and I can breathe again. His mercy engulfs every doubt.

***

2 Samuel 24

 ¹And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.

 ²For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beersheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.

 ³And Joab said unto the king, Now the LORD thy God add unto the people, how many soever they be, an hundredfold, and that the eyes of my lord the king may see it: but why doth my lord the king delight in this thing?

 ⁴Notwithstanding the king's word prevailed against Joab, and against the captains of the host. And Joab and the captains of the host went out from the presence of the king, to number the people of Israel.

 ⁵And they passed over Jordan, and pitched in Aroer, on the right side of the city that lieth in the midst of the river of Gad, and toward Jazer:

 ⁶Then they came to Gilead, and to the land of Tahtimhodshi; and they came to Danjaan, and about to Zidon,

 ⁷And came to the strong hold of Tyre, and to all the cities of the Hivites, and of the Canaanites: and they went out to the south of Judah, even to Beersheba.

 ⁸So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days.

 ⁹And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king: and there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.

 ¹⁰And David's heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.

 ¹¹For when David was up in the morning, the word of the LORD came unto the prophet Gad, David's seer, saying,

 ¹²Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.

 ¹³So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land? now advise, and see what answer I shall return to him that sent me.

 ¹⁴And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great: and let me not fall into the hand of man.

 ¹⁵So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.

 ¹⁶And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebusite.

 ¹⁷And David spake unto the LORD when he saw the angel that smote the people, and said, Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done? let thine hand, I pray thee, be against me, and against my father's house.

 ¹⁸And Gad came that day to David, and said unto him, Go up, rear an altar unto the LORD in the threshingfloor of Araunah the Jebusite.

 ¹⁹And David, according to the saying of Gad, went up as the LORD commanded.

 ²⁰And Araunah looked, and saw the king and his servants coming on toward him: and Araunah went out, and bowed himself before the king on his face upon the ground.

 ²¹And Araunah said, Wherefore is my lord the king come to his servant? And David said, To buy the threshingfloor of thee, to build an altar unto the LORD, that the plague may be stayed from the people.

 ²²And Araunah said unto David, Let my lord the king take and offer up what seemeth good unto him: behold, here be oxen for burnt sacrifice, and threshing instruments and other instruments of the oxen for wood.

 ²³All these things did Araunah, as a king, give unto the king. And Araunah said unto the king, The LORD thy God accept thee.

 ²⁴And the king said unto Araunah, Nay; but I will surely buy it of thee at a price: neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing. So David bought the threshingfloor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.

 ²⁵And David built there an altar unto the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the LORD was intreated for the land, and the plague was stayed from Israel.

When I first read this passage, I did not understand one bit what David had done wrong by numbering the people-- especially wrong enough to cause God's wrath to have an angel bring about a pestilence that killed 70,000 innocent people!? I can think of about 10 or more trying questions from this scenario. But that's not the point. I don't have all the answers. But questions aren't always so bad. I rarely asked questions as a kid because I thought I was already supposed to know everything. I don't know why I thought that, but obviously that is ridiculous. I'm trying to learn to ask questions. It's difficult. At times it is humbling. But I am learning so much more.

Anyhoo-- my questioning led me to my handy Halley's Bible Handbook which referred me to I Chronicles 21. Here I learned why a census by David at this time brought such drastic consequences. In numbering the people ('moved by the Lord' & 'provoked by Satan'), David was retrieving his faith from within the Lord his Strength and placing it in the mass quantity of people of the kingdom. For a king in this place and time, numbers equaled power. David had forgotten that we have nothing to boast in. That everything comes from the Lord above-- and remember what David's best friend Jonathan said to his armour bearer-- who can say whether the Lord will save by many or by few!?

It's impossible to count how many times I've done & do this on a regular basis. It is a necessity to have a self-check, or heart examination if you will, to see where I've put my faith. I committed to putting my faith & trust in Jesus Christ when I became His. But sometimes I begin to trust in my ability or someone else's, in availability of resources, in comfort, in man, in some concept other than my Final Authority (the Bible), etc. You name it. I know that my sin is paid for & his wrath is satisfied in the death of his only begotten Son, but I hate the thought of taking back the one thing that is required-- my faith. If we love him we will keep his commandments. I recall how the Word also says, '...whatsoever is not of faith is sin' (Rom 14:23). It's funny that only by his mercy and grace am I even capable of putting my faith in him. So I have to trust in him to help me trust in him.

-Back to history-

Once the people are numbered, David's heart is smitten & he confesses his sin & begs God to cease the pestilence and save the "sheep" that were being killed as a result of David's sin & God's wrath upon Israel. Just before the angel is about to spread the pestilence over Jerusalem, God stops him & says 'it is enough'. Remind you of anything? (Jesus Christ on the cross says, "It is finished" just before taking his last breaths on the cross). God's wrath had been satisfied. The place that the angel is at this particular moment in time is the threshingfloor of Araunah (AKA "Ornan") or "Mount Moriah"; At this threshingfloor the angel has a bro named Gad tell David to build an altar. And at this place of the altar is the same place Solomon builds his temple according to II Chronicles (& where it is rebuilt). And now since we've found Solomon's foundation, this will be the place the temple is re-rebuilt hopefully in my life time!! eeeek! :D :D

Sovereignty. How incredible is God's mercy. How amazing is it that the temple would be built in a place representing God's tender mercy & man's state of need & humbleness (i.e. David's smitten heart & confession)-- A place of reconciliation & God's majesty that still exists today! There is so much history behind the foundation of the temple that reveals some of God's most incredible attributes. I love how it  isn't only a story with a moral, but it is real history-- it's applicable in every culture & time-- And how particularly exciting is it to me today with all the craziness going on regarding the temple/mosque/etc. among everything else happening that has been prophesied already in the Word! Oh, people, pray for Israel as the Lord has commanded. And look-- the fields are white already to harvest!

Remember his glorious mercies & truths-- 'bind them about thy neck' & 'write them upon the table of thine heart' (Proverbs 3:3).

Artifacts from Solomon's temple 

http://www.crystalinks.com/solomonstemple.html

http://www.freemasoninformation.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/king-solomon-temple.jpg

'The trying of your faith worketh patience.But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.' 


James 1:3-4

But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. II Tim 4:5

Like a child I am.

I've watched you for a while

You don't like to show how you feel inside

Yeah, I've watched you for a while

You bottle up your emotions and your pride

Oh, but it still slips out in moments

And it slips out in your smile

Yeah, it slips out in moments

And it slips out in your eyes

I don't care who you say you are

Oh 'cause I see the way that you look in my face

Though you hide in your mysteries

I hear the way that you call my name

So give into me 

Just say yes to me

I just can't take it anymore

You've gotta be mine, be mine

I bought you, I paid the price

I've called you out and I've claimed you as mine

You keep running, running away from me

You keep hiding, hiding in shame from me

     This is another song by Laura Hockett. I was listening to this early this morning when I was running. As I began listening to the word, I at first thought this song was from one human to his or her lover. And then I heard her sing the 2nd verse (last stanza) and it broke me. How could I not realize the Lord was speaking to me? As I was trying to run out the stress in my gut, I felt exactly as I did when I was little and my dad held me while I had my last big tantrum as a child and he didn't let go until I gave into him by giving up my will. It was out of love- to "break my will but not my spirit" as my mom always reminds me. This morning as I ran I was fighting the Lord in the same way and trying to slip out of his tight grasp so much I could almost "feel" it physically as my mind brought me back to the stress I felt when I was little & in my dad's arms fighting as if I, a little 2-year old girl, could win against his strength and love. Ha. I just wanted to have my own way, but he knew sometimes we just don't get our way and I am going to have to learn how to deal with it.
  
     Here I am now almost 20, and I'm still just like that little two-year-old child in my Father's arms fighting and having a tantrum;  And in my tantrum, He won't let go, and He won't leave me to my own devices because I'm just a child with much growing to do ... And so I hear these words telling me about me: how I bottle emotions and pride up and don't show my feelings. And how He bought me and calls out to me, yet I keep running and hiding in shame... and so He speaks to me through this song saying, "give into me...say yes to me... I can't take it anymore, you have to be mine". And I realize that's how I've been wanting to be desired all along.

     He wants to break my will without destroying my spirit. He knows that I have to learn this, or else I will throw tantrums every time I don't get my way. This is a long fight, and I'm trying to let go and give in.

Laura Hockett is just killin me!

What do I do here in the waiting?

What do I do with my unsatisfied heart?

What do I do here in the waiting?

Here in the tension of believing again and again and again

'Cause there's a lack, there's a gap in my soul

Between the things that I believe and I know

Holy Spirit, You who fill

All-in-all come and fill me

Holy Spirit, come hold me together

I fall into grace again.

Like a child I am.

Even now I will sing.

Another song by Laura Hockett that is coming to my aid right now:

There is no pit too deep

that Jesus cannot reach

There is no sorrow too strong

that would overtake his beloved one

And He's brought me to the wilderness

where I will learn to sing

And He lets me know my barrenness

so I will learn to lean

So kind.

Oh Beautiful Mercy,

Do what you have to do.

Jealous Lover, 

Do what you have to do.

You know the best way.

I will sing, I will sing

even in this brokenness

I will sing

even in this loneliness.

It's difficult right now for me to claim every word in this song, but it is a choice and I've decided. I will sing, though it hurts so much sometimes. This doesn't feel like Mercy, but do what you have to do, Lord.  I will trust you and I will sing.

Joy, unending joy.

     I have had so much joy lately. I seriously don't know how I have experienced so much healing in the past month, but glory to God. My mind is enthralled with Him and his Word constantly; I feel empowered and strong, yet able to be emotional, and okay with being weak. It is something I'm not used to. I believe God is using multiple people in my life to heal me, and it truly is working. I cannot describe the abundant growth that has happened through several struggles, confusion, and hurt I've dealt with over the past year just from my past and much attack from the enemy. I still have much to sort through and deal with regarding my entire life thus far, but I am so extremely blessed and so thankful and excited about the wonderful works and attributes of the Lord! I want to tell everyone boldly and compassionately and passionately. I am more passionate about the Bible than I have ever been in my life, and I would like to say my utter joy can be contributed to that fact, however I know God has also been using people and I simply cannot deny that. As much as I pridefully desire to be okay on my own, I truly am so glad that I am not okay on my own. Admitting my struggles and hurts has been so good and humbling, and Christ has truly been my healer. He has allowed me to be calm and happy and trusting in him while still being extremely passionate and burdened about the lost and the hurting in the world. It is true when Jesus says 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light' (Matt 11:28-30).
     I must think about this more, because I really don't understand exactly what God has done to set me free. I have been held captive to fear and emotional bondage for quite some time, and I am free! I am even able to cry tears of joy at my freedom, though I don't understand it. I am so thankful. But I am still aware and trying to walk circumspectly because I know the enemy is walking about seeking whom he may devour...not that I'm important enough for the enemy to be after me. But my flesh and the world is pretty crummy too.

Thank you so much, Lord. You are so good. I love you.

The Good News of Peace

The Gospel really is good news. That's the definition of "gospel", yet I hardly ever share it with my classmates and other people I come across anymore because I'm afraid it won't be good news to them.

I have to remember that 'the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned' (I Cor. 2:14); however, I must also remember that those without the good news of Christ in their hearts lack much, and God has lately been speaking to me about PEACE that is found only in Christ. I am constantly observing those around me and being more and more burdened for those who really need peace, joy, & simply: life! I wonder how I appear to the world around me? Do I appear to have peace? I know their have been points in this past year that I have neglected the peace offered to my heart by trying to take back control of my fears, desires, and other aspects of life. But now that God has allowed me to surrender those things, I have found peace even through the things I am questioning, the things I don't understand, the things I have no control over, through loss, through the unknown.

Peace is a universal desire. People lack. People know that there has to be more. They wonder the meaning of life, why they are here at this place in this time, how everything came to be and where it is going.... Life is full of insecurities and hardships, roller coaster cycles of events and emotions (for most). Where is peace found?

The fact that the gospel of Christ is the source of true peace was confirmed to me this morning in Acts 10:36, 'The word which God sent unto the children of Israel, preaching peace by Jesus Christ: (he is Lord of all:)' [the scripture then goes on to share the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ].

I want to tell the world who lacks peace how Jesus Christ is the only perfect source to provide complete peace. The world is fallen. There is a captor who has held it captive for thousands of years. There was a need for a ransom. Jesus took my place on the cross by giving his perfect, sinless, holy blood as a sacrifice. No one could have controlled whether He lived or died. He could have had 72,000 angels by his side to deliver him with one word. Yet He chose to give himself so that we could have life- eternal life- and joy and peace through knowing Him. He is in control if only you let him be. By surrendering your fears, your guilt, your shame, your pride, even your possessions, dreams, desires-- He takes over these things and gives you total peace. He doesn't steal them away from you- You surrender them to Him so He can take them upon Himself and lead you on the path of righteousness, the path of life. The kingdom of darkness is characterized by fear, guilt, and shame and these things lead to death. But Christ is calling the lost into the Kingdom of Light- the kingdom of life, joy, peace... the Kingdom of God. Just as the blood of a spotless lamb was to be shed over the door to save the life of the 1st born son (the last plague in Moses' time as He led God's people out of Egypt)-- and this saving grace was offered to ALL the families-- we can choose to have Jesus' bled shed over our hearts so that death passes over us. We don't deserve it, but God loves us and desires this for us. There is nothing we can DO to gain his favor. We must put our trust in the blood of Christ, putting on the 'new man'- being 'born again' into God's family- into His kingdom and out of the kingdom of this world. Once we're in this kingdom- the battle does not end. Yes, we are SEALED by the Spirit of God-- but the enemy is not done with us. God has reminded me that He is cursed to be bruised by our heel. We have the victory as sons and daughters of God. We must continue to trust in the Lord. He is our saving strength alone.

Laura Hockett (UMKC Graduate & International House of Prayer member-- I never met her, but a dear friend, Jordan, gave me her CD) wrote a song that has really been touching my heart lately, and really shows to me the path to peace which is leaning on Christ, my rock, my refuge, my strength... These are the lyrics:

WHEN I AM AFRAID 

I WILL TRUST IN YOU

WHEN I'M OVERCOME 

I WILL CLING ON TO THE ROCK

THAT IS HIGHER, HE'S HIGHER

THE ROCK- HE IS HIGHER

WHEN MY ENEMY'S TOO STRONG FOR ME

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT THE FEAR

THAT COMES AGAINST MY HEART OF MINE

I CALL UPON THE NAME OF CHRIST

HE'S HIGHER, HE'S HIGHER

THE ROCK- HE IS HIGHER

WHEN MY ENEMY'S SURROUNDING ME

HE COMES TO STEAL MY JOY, MY PEACE

I LET GO OF MY REASONING

AND FALL UPON THE ROCK

THAT IS HIGHER, HE'S HIGHER

THE ROCK- HE IS HIGHER

I WILL NOT BUILD MY LIFE

UPON THE PASSING SANDS

OF HOW I FEEL INSIDE

FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT

I WILL LOVE YOU, LORD,

MY ROCK, MY GOD, MY STRENGTH,

A PRECIOUS CORNERSTONE

THE FLOODS OF DEATH COULD NEVER SHAME

OH, FOR THERE IS NO PEACE OF MIND

 OUTSIDE OF TRUTH IN CHRIST

FOR THE FEAR IS REAL

AND ITS POWER CAN KILL

THE STABILITY OF OUR TIMES...

THE STABILITY OF OUR TIMES WILL BE

THE ROCK THAT IS HIGHER, HE'S HIGHER

THE ROCK- HE IS HIGHER

What a powerful song. Even the rhythm, the clapping, the drive, and the melody, the background vocals, etc. support the words completely. It delivers truth and brings me peace. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Lord.

Somehow I want to bring this good news to everyone. I don't know how. I don't know what will make them listen. Jesus is Truth. He is Life. He is Peace. He is all you need.

My Passion = My calling

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning; the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

Is. 61:1-3

There is no one like our Lord

"Higher" Lyrics by Gungor


There is no one there is no one like You
no one like you
in heaven or on earth

only good things can ever come from you
even your judgment
is righteous and true

Your Name is sweeter than the rain that falls upon
the face of dry and weary land
and causes us to turn our face again
Your Name be praised
and be lifted higher

There is no one...

With every morning there are mercies new
Your kindness
brings us back to you

Your name is stronger than the pain
it's covering the shame of all these weary hands
and causing us to turn our face again
Your Name be praised

Late Have I Loved You
Late have I loved you,
O Beauty so ancient,
so new.

late have I loved you
you were within me, but I was outside you
it was there that I searched for you
it was there that I searched for you

Late have I loved you,
O Beauty so ancient, so new.
you were here with me
but I was not with You
it was there that you found me 
it was there that you found me

You called and you shouted,
you broke through my deafness.
You flashed and you shone, 
dispelled my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me
You breathed your fragrance on me
Late have I loved you

I drew in your breath
I keep on breathing
I've tasted I’ve seen
And now I want more
You breathed your fragrance on me
You breathed your fragrance on me
Late have I loved you

Mixin' it all together

Please keep Lindsey, her husband Greg, and the Morris family in your prayers.

**

I love, love, love baking cookies. Especially when I have a free day and I have someone in mind. Today I am baking cookies for my piano students.

Growing up I didn't mind following directions. When it came to cookies or any other recipe, really, I would love measuring out every ingredient perfectly. However, once it came to the part where you had to mix it all together... well, I would just want to throw everything in at once. I found out that you get the same outcome, so why start with the butter, sugars and vanilla, and THEN the flour and everything else? It's all going to the same place, anyway.

Well, a while ago I decided to go ahead and give the "right way" a try. I found that- though profoundly simple- the process was so much easier and even faster than ever, even though it initially took some patience.

I realized that this has been my life for so long. I really do have a vision, but I put everything in at once and make myself entirely too busy in order to get everything "over with". In the end, it might appear and taste the same, but the process is much more difficult once you try to mix everything together at once.

So I have decided to go about the process of life the "right way". I am certain it will be much more enjoyable, and I might even get other people in to help out with the process... heh. It's a cheesy analogy, but really. It was an "aha" moment that I am thankful for. I am trusting the Lord to provide accountability as well as reminders from him. I know he doesn't want me to burn out on life, as he has promised sleep and rest and peace. That doesn't mean I'm gonna take a break on all hard things in life- no. It simply means I'm going to purpose to slow down and enjoy the process, enabling me to better trust the Lord for every step along the way.

What do you want for dinner?

Luke 11:5-9

And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;

For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?

And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.

I saw unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.

And I saw unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

I hate being a burden to other people. I don't want to inconvenience anyone, and I'd rather be completely independent than bear the guilt in have someone go totally out of their way for me. I only want people to help if I know they really want to (I'm not so sure that's a good thing.) Most of the time it seems I don't understand that some people might really want to offer help and support.  Even when people say it's no big deal or that they want to, it's often hard to believe them. Same thing goes for simple ways of people showing their support for me. If I have some no-big-deal performance, for instance, I always say I don't care if people come because that's really what I think in my head. But I guess when people do come anyway, it shows me they really do "just want to" and I am always caught off guard in a positive way. I feel very loved. So I can now acknowledge that the times I really DO want people to come, but I say they don't have to, that I'm just being selfish because I want people to love me on their own by doing little things like that without asking. When people ask if I want them to come, that shows me they don't want to but they'll make the sacrifice. Well, there ya go! They're willing, right? Sometimes though I don't recognize this willing spirit. I need to recognize I DO seek love and support through those things. I need to be honest and say "yes, it would really mean a lot to me if you could come support me, or if you could help me do this or that" or whatever.

God used the above verses from Luke 11 to get my attention and show me that people want to help me out because I'm their friend. It's not even acquaintances or distant friends I struggle with, it's those closest to me- family and my closest friends. They are for me more than anyone! What is my deal? just reach out and ask for what you need. God has placed people in your life to provide for your needs. Not just your physical needs, but your emotional and spiritual and all other needs. God will provide. And He most often uses people to do so!

I wonder why I have a tendency to not expect people to want to go out of their way for me? I go out of my way for others, but I don't think I'm some goddess or anything as if I'm the only person on earth willing to be inconvenienced for another. Maybe I get frustrated and annoyed when being inconvenienced for others? I haven't been made aware of this very often, but I guess it is true at times, and perhaps I don't want people to feel like this over me. Maybe I think I'm not worth it? I guess at times I do feel that way. But I know it's not true, so I need to cast that idea down right away.

I'm still an amateur at being honest about what I feel like having for dinner. Ha. I don't mean to be such a man pleasure. I'm getting a little better. It's taking 20 years, but I am almost to the point where I can at least make the decision of what I want in my head. Now I'm working on verbalizing it :)

I'm trying to grow up, people. Just hold your horses- it might take a while.

Blind Art

LAST NIGHT As I was beginning my clinical charting for school I fell asleep... :) This morning, this is what I found of my work:

***

The music therapy intern at RMHF used music to begin and end the 45 minute session. He begun by passing out lyrics and then singing and playing What a Wonderful World on the guitar for the seven clients, music therapist, and me. The clients were then given the lyrics with various and numerous blanks throughout the song. The clients were than allowed to fill in their own creative thoughts into the blanks of the song (lyric writing). Though not a musical task, the goals of jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj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The intern then collected a few of the songs with original lyrics by the clients.

***

hehehe

Broad Goals- musically translates into ways of living life

My main goals to work on:

Be supple.

Focus on the piece, not the fact that you're playing the piece.

Learn to enjoy & believe it works rather than playing certain ways out of duty.

Face your fears. (Do one thing you're afraid to do every day.)

Speak up.

"Emotionally Retarded"

Yes, today a new doctor I visited told me that I am emotionally retarded. As harsh as that sounds, I am hardly offended and more enlightened.

He figured out by talking to me for about 5 minutes or less that I am an extremely visual person and told me I "think too much with my eyes". He guessed that I was great at reading music, which is correct. He also guessed that I am not so great at playing by ear, which I'd have to disagree with most days (yes, visually I am much better than by ear, however if I really listen I do great- I just have to remember to listen). Though I'm okay at playing by ear, he told me something about me that virtually no one but my dad knows about the way I think, specifically in regards to playing music: I hear music, translate it to something visual in my mind, and translate it back to sound. For example: I might see the c-minor scale as the days of the week with a flatted Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday...or I might see a picture of something that I play back into the music I heard... or it could be as simple as just imaging the keyboard when asked to sing a major 4th, and then translating the vision into what it would sound like. It could also mean seeing the music I hear on an imaginary score, and visa versa. (There are many other examples, but I'll spare you.) This might be confusing for much of the population; however, I understand because this is exactly what happens and it is quite difficult for me to thoroughly explain what visually goes on in my mind, or perhaps I just don't really feel like it at the moment. The point is that I am extremely visual- much more so than most musicians- which is not musically such a great thing for performing, although it works, though I personally think it's a helpful tool in teaching music to kids.

The visual part of me is infused into almost every aspect of the way I think. Emotionally, this is a problem. My doctor suggested (confidently informed me in a matter-of-fact manner, rather) that I am trying to "see" my emotions, and emotions are just not to be visualized, but felt. He seemed quite familiar with the piano, thus he was able to paint a picture for me: He asked if I would be able to hear the difference between a technically-skilled pianist and one who can passionately, emotionally play the instrument well. I told him I could, especially if I were there to watch his performance, though I could probably hear it as well if I closed my eyes and listened intently. He said that emotionally I have a range of about 22 notes, for example, on the middle of the keyboard (out of 88)- or for a vocalist, the comfortable middle range that just about every one can sing; however, when I play the high notes and the low notes (emotionally), my fingers are just there, but I'm not able to play lyrically or musically or with feeling; His objective was to "add a few notes" to my "emotional range" so that I may become more accustomed to feeling emotions outside of the range I am comfortable in now which is extremely small, he says. He could tell that I was not skilled at "going deep" with people at all, really, and that I had become "retarded... emotionally".

This explains why I get so dang frustrated concerning my feelings and lack of feelings. This might explain why I rarely cry when people die or when anything depressing happens, really. This might explain why I hardly ever get super excited even if I'm very joyful. This might explain why it is so stinkin hard for me to describe to people what I'm feeling pretty much any time I'm asked. This might explain why I cry at absolutely nothing and have anxiety attacks, though I'm not 100% convinced yet, and most psychologists would disagree, I believe.

Anyhoo, after speaking with me for a while, the doc did some sort of back treatment and then helped me learn how to breathe in different places than what I'm used to. By the end, there was more color in the room, I was a "more pleasant person to be with" because I was finally calm, perhaps more in touch with my feelings, and I staggered out of the room saying "whoa" because I wasn't really sure what happened and I was dizzy from the breathing practice and all that... haha. I don't see how the treatment could greatly impact my frustrating OCD tendencies, but we shall see! I'll have learned how to breathe well, at least, and that can be very important for living life calmly and naturally. Gaining a better insight into the way I think is also beneficial. I'll be back next week ready to discuss whether the treatment changed anything or not. Hmmm...!


***

Sep. 07

Actually I decided over the week end that I will not be returning. I'm not comfortable with it, and he only confused me more, really. I haven't noticed any changes.

84 and counting...

And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;
And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.
And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.
Luke 2:36-38


Wow. This lady was married  (I'm guessing in her early to mid teens because of the culture of the place and time?) & remained married until her husband died seven years later. Now she is 84 years old and since her husband's death has not departed from the temple but is serving God night and day with fastings and prayers. How is her body even capable of this at an old age? She obviously brought her body into subjection and cared more about serving the Lord God daily than living for herself. She lost something dear to her, and committed the rest of her life to giving every part of it for what she held most dear: her Maker.
Not only does she spend her nights and days with God in service and thanks to him, but she worships him by speaking of the Lord to 'all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem'. How did she know who was looking? She must have been intentionally looking for them. She must have had the ability to discern such things.We read nothing about whether or not souls are won or if lives accept redemption through Christ, but we know she is obedient to look for those in need and shares with them the treasure and Salvation of her life.
It seems that at the death of her husband she chooses to die to herself and is made alive in the Lord alone. How much exceeding joy I would have if my every second was intentional in service and worship to my Lord and those in need of Him! I doubt I would ever seek fulfillment anywhere else.

Finders Weepers Losers Keepers

Psalm 137:5-6
If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy.

In this time and place we're always taught to look out for #1- me. But beware lest I forget my Jerusalem. My Lord, my home, my family, my leaders, my sisters and brothers in Christ. Let me not speak or perform if I do not choose them over my chief joy.

A friend and brother-in-Christ from high school died in a car wreck 4 days ago. He was 19. He was one of the only other students in school who used KJV so I instantly thought highly of him, haha. That's definitely not the only reason. He's one of the smartest guys I've ever met. His zeal and knowledge of the Word was astounding. I loved to argue with him, though we got under each other's skin at times. It was fun and I am thankful for knowing him. I was thinking about him this week. He's inspired me and caused me to question and seek out truth more than many brothers and sisters, though we never had opportunity for fellowship outside of school. Today at his funeral some inspiring words he had spoken or heard and passed on to others were read:

"To receive a crown of life in heaven we must receive a crown of thorns here on earth".

He spoke of how this life is full of sacrifice. It's the beautiful paradox the Lord gives us: whoever will lose his life for Jesus' sake will find it. In laying down our lives we receive life and joy and peace and the promise of the Father. May I prefer my God and His people above receiving the greatest joy. I have found that in putting The Lord first and then others in front of myself and my own happiness or comfort, I receive my chief joy.

Blank.

Psalm 139:4 'For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. 

More often than not I am speechless. I have so many frustrating thoughts and feelings I experience of which at times I simply cannot put into words, especially verbally. This inability to effectively communicate myself to those close to me makes it the more frustrating for me as well as for others, I'm sure. I can hardly pinpoint triggers myself, much less explain them once I have some kind of idea where these feelings might have come from. It's as if I've learned so well to be utterly passive in any circumstance that when I experience extreme emotion now, I'm caught off-guard and cannot trace the roots of my emotions. Other times I am numb, yet I expect to be emotionally connected. It's as if my emotions are constantly in conflict with the words I'm telling myself in response to everything that happens. I tell myself something doesn't bother me, or that I'm trusting and carefree. And then I am pushing people away, I'm angry, I'm crying. I have so many... pictures and ideas? running through my head, but no words to tie them together. I just sit wrongly befuddled and irritated. Nothing used to bother me, and now I get heated so easily. Then I am so numb when I obviously should be touched or wrecked. Am I truly trying to protect myself in some way? Maybe I'm becoming a real person, ha. Entering the battle. Much like my spirit warring against my flesh, but more so my heart warring against my mind, although some consider them the same. Maybe I'm learning to be honest with myself. Maybe I'm crazy. I only pray I'm not letting my flesh take control. I hope this is either a result of or the working toward growth and not of recession. Perhaps it is both.

I have learned and continue to learn to not let my feelings and even my thoughts rule me, although sometimes they receive more victory than I intend for them. That's why I desperately need truth to reign in my heart. That's why I must daily seek the Lord and meditate on His Word as often as I may.

I always heard that life is a battle, a race, that it only gets harder... but I guess I believed differently or thought I'd get used to it and it would become easy. However, such is not the case. I feel like I was such a strong little girl. I thought I understood so much and could go through anything. Now I feel I'm a fool when I have to relearn the basics.  Perhaps Christ is building upon foundation that has already been laid. Perhaps he is fixing some cracks and holes. Regardless, I know I must trust Him and humbly submit to His will and His teachings every day. I love His doctrines and His discipline. He is so good to me to not leave me the sad & helpless being I am without Him. He is everything to me.

Lord God, You are my rock and my fortress. You are my strength and my shield. You are Truth, You are Life, You are Love, You are Lord. My hope is in you.

While you were under the pomegranate tree...

[I Sam 14]
While Saul and his 600 men were hanging out in Gibeah under a pomegranate tree in Migron, Jonathan tells his armour-bearer to come with him to the Philistines' garrison (like a military base) on the other side (the Israelites had been in battle against the Philistines for some time now) (vs 1-5) and this is what he says:

"...It may be that the LORD will work for us: for there is no restraint to the LORD to save by many or by few" (vs 6).


And his armour-bearer says to Jonathan, "Do all that is in thine heart... Behold, I am with thee according to thy heart" (vs 7).

Jonathan explains that if the Philistines have them come unto them, that's a sign from the Lord that He will deliver the Philistines into their hand. This happens and in their first slaughter they kill about 20 men in a 1/2 acre of land (vs 14)! Dang. There was trembling in the host, in the field, & among all the people including the garrison and the spoilers. The earth quaked! The Word says 'it was a very great trembling' (vs 15).

Then Saul and his men looked and saw the Philistines- it seems they were so scared, they were fighting each other. It says 'the multitude melted away, and they went on beating down one another' (vs 16). Whew.

Well Saul and his men finally realize Jonathan and his armour-bearer are gone and the fighting amongst the Philistines is increasing as Saul talks to the priest... so he and his men go down to battle and- this is another really cool part, I think- the Hebrews that had been with the Philistines turned to be with the Israelites that were with Saul & Jonathan! And not only that, but those that had before hid themselves in mount Ephraim when the Philistines first gathered together against the Israelites (13:5-6, I believe!) came out and 'followed hard after them in the battle' (14:22). Saweeet!

vs 23: 'So the Lord saved Israel that day: and the battle passed over unto Bethaven'.

How awesome is that? Our God is not limited! He just needs one or too willing hearts. I think about my brothers and sisters that seem to be fighting against God and his people right now, or the lost that will come to know Christ (the Hebrews that were with the Philistines). I think about the brothers and sisters I have (or me sometimes, I'm sure!) that are too afraid to stand up against the enemy and fight for the Lord, trusting in His mighty hand to save (the Israelites that had previously hidden themselves). For those Israelites and Hebrews, and for the enemy to be defeated in battle, one man stood up and decided to go straight down into battle and let God do what He does best. He wasn't foolish about it. He obviously had the Word of the Lord, a promise of deliverance. Don't we already have that promise? One of my biggest fears in sharing Christ or being some one great for him is my concern for those who I'd want to go with me. I ask the question, "What if I'm the only one? What if I'm crazy to the rest of the world and no one will go fight with me, or if I'm the only one who would open my mouth and share the gospel, or the only one that would start this or do that... No one will listen to just me. I can't do it alone." And yes, we DO need the body. We were made to need each other. We need encouragement from each other, we need prayer and fellowship, etc. But God does not need 10 people or 100 people. He needs 1 or 2 or more. And really, he doesn't even need us at all. But because Jonathan trusted in the Lord and gave himself to be used he was blessed and even delivered from death which could have been by the hand of his own father, King Saul (14:43-45). I want that. I want to please my Father, my King. I want to trust Him and show his power and might. I want to display his glory and fight for him.

I want to be a warrior. I know I'm a woman, but I want to be a warrior. My faith is not yet like Jonathan's or King David's faith, and my heart is not like David's heart. I am not wise like Solomon. I am not strong like Samson. I am not a lot of things. I am weak and often foolish. But I am willing. I am wanting. I am here to shine the Light. I am here for the kingdom. I am here and I want to bring as many home to enjoy the Lord as He and I can.

I want my husband and I to be Jonathan and the armour-bearer (My husband with faith as Saul's son, Jonathan, and I the armour-bearer, of course, submitted to his heart, and with him bearing his armour and being his helpmeet as well as fighting with him in battle).

I sure hope I have plenty of brothers and sisters with me in battle, but if that is ever not the case (God-forbid), I don't want to be the one doing nothing. While others are under the pomegranate tree, I want to be aware of the need, of the possibility of deliverance, of the promise of victory.

I know my King is mighty to save. I'm here with You in victory, Lord. Shine your Light and Save.

Pray for Lindsey.

http://lindseymmorris.blogspot.com/