I don't want comfort.

I've sort of always had this mindset toward the homeless: it is almost always their fault. they'll never listen about Christ because they've heard it all before. They could have food and a home if they really wanted to, they just have to be willing to work. A lot of them are liars, anyway.

And you know what? I still think that is true most of the time, at least where I live. BUT. I know there are also some people whose lives have completely fallen apart and it is not their fault at all. They are trying hard to have food and a roof over their heads and just make it a few more days, and then a few more days. There are others who want to be homeless and are not willing to change. There are those who are searching for purpose in their lives, and those who have given up all hope. Regardless of where each comes from, he/she still needs Christ. Even if they will not listen, they need to hear. Seeds often need much watering, much time, good soil, the good old sun. They need to be consistently loved to Christ, just as those who seem to have it all together need love, or fear, to come to Him. ('some by compassion, some by fear').

Ever since before I moved dt, I've had a heart for the homeless. And even more for those who are hardly willing to help themselves. I want them to know the love of Christ, to have purpose, to give up whatever they are holding onto for Christ. I want them to be fed and feel like a normal human being, to have relationships with people and be blessed. I want them to know a church family who loves them no matter what. I want them to change into people who are willing to change because the power of Christ lives inside of them and is calling them to a greater purpose- to glorify his name and multiply his kingdom. Evangelism. Discipleship. Just as they've received (and I pray this is what they'll receive).

I also am burdened for the people at the market. Those from all the different countries. What can I say, what can I do?

Absolutely nothing. But the Holy Spirit can work and move. And I can obey.

Sometimes I wish I weren't such a little girl. I need to be protected, but I just want to risk everything for all of them to hear Christ. But I have to be faithful to the commandments of my father. And I have to respect people and their culture. I need help.

I want to pray, but I want to go beyond that and really be in the mission field and in the battle, praying constantly and doing what Christ would do. I realize, however, that my motives tend to be selfish, so I give it up and will do this only with the right heart and if You call me to. I will let Christ live through me in the places I go now- my work, my school, the store. Help me live fearlessly and with no shame.

It's funny how sometimes I am ashamed or scared to bring up Christ. But when I let that control me, I walk away ashamed. More ashamed than ever.

I want to live a life that is totally radical. I want to give up everything that is hard to give up.

Lord, lead me where you want me to go. Give me utterance. Give me opportunity. Even if they will not listen, I will speak to whomever you tell me to. Let me have the right focus every moment of my life. Let me not live for me, but completely turn from EVERYTHING to be right where you want me to be doing exactly what you want me to do. I will do it alone if you want. I don't care if I have nothing, I know you will provide for my needs. You have definitely shown me just that for the past 6 months.

I want to always be in your will. I want your blessing, I want to dwell with you. I want you to be pleased. I want this to be about YOU. That means that whether you want me to go or stay, I will do so. I will cease from mine own wisdom. Though I think I know what an exciting and fulfilled life in You might look like, I realize that I know nothing of your specific plan and will. If you want me to die in an accident now, then so be it. If you want me to be martyred, so be it. If you want me to have a normal American job & live a godly life here, so be it. If you want me to smuggle Bibles and/or be put in jail and tortured, so be it. Just open my eyes to what you have in front of me and I'll continue following you no matter what it looks like- no matter what my flesh desires.

I will praise you in every season, regardless of what has been given or taken. Regardless of how successful or broken things may seem. You are worthy, and You alone. For ever.

Psalm 73:25-26 'Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.'

I want You.