29 March 2010
26 March 2010
Vashti to Victory
I'm sitting here, coasting, and it's simply not enjoyable.
I'm the type of person that loves to feel needed and it's sometimes difficult, to be honest, because I'm not needed. But that's not the problem. I am not being the missionary I'm called to be. I'm not fulfilling my purpose. That's still not the problem. Where is my source, where is my flow, where is my river of life? I guess I decided to swim in a different pool yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. Sure, I've dipped my toes in this water of life, but it's just not a comfortable temperature for me to dive into. It's not like I'm swimming in the pool of the world. It's my own little safe pool. I dug it out myself. Aren't you proud of me?
Ha, okay so it's a stupid analogy, but it's what came to mind and at least you get the point (or maybe you don't.) Regardless... it's lukewarm & it's disgusting.
I cannot be my own queen. I cannot be my own ruler. Where is my King? I decided to eat my breakfast instead of go to sup with Him. Where is my Love? I decided to sleep instead of prepare my heart for Him. Where is the One who paid the price for me? I need Him. I need Him and I know it, yet some one has been murmuring antithetical whispers into my ear.
It's is the father of lies. He was once my father, but my eyes were opened to his deceitful tactics; yet sometimes when I hear him I can't even recognize his voice as the traitor. Can I recognize my own Father's voice now? Do I know when I hear Truth? Please, Lord, give me the ears of one who is living. Let me hear and know that You are God and You are the Only One.
***
Esther 1. I'd forgotten the reason Ahasuerus was searching for a new queen:
It all started during a feast in the court of the king's garden. King Ahasuerus commanded his seven chamberlains to bring Vashti the queen before those present 'to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look upon' (11). Vashti, however, 'refused to come at the king's commandment' (12). So the seven princes of Persia convinced the king that if Vashti went unpunished, all women abroad would 'despise their husbands' (17) and there would be 'contempt and wrath' in the courts (18). The princes told the king to create a written law against Vashti forbidding her to come again in the presence of Ahasuerus and to replace Vashti as queen with a 'better' woman (19). It seems the king agreed without question and did exactly as the princes suggested, sending letters into every province written in all the diverse languages of the people (21-22).
I know this king is not at all the perfect King that mine is (actually, he's FAR from it), but I, unfortunately, seem to be extremely similar to Queen Vashti from the perspective of the king. My first reaction to this historical event: Why did Vashti refuse to come at the King's commandment? It is interesting to consider that she had also made a feast 'for the women in the royal house which belonged to king Ahasuerus' at this time (9) and that 'the heart of the king was merry with wine' as he asked for her presence. However, the Bible as far as I know does not give a sure excuse for the queen. (Actually, I think she was in the right- supposedly the king was having her dance naked or something, but idk- still). All I knows for sure is she didn't go before the king at his calling- any excuse she might have makes no difference to him- and as a result she may never come into the king's presence again. Not only that, but she will be replaced with some one even better. Never queen again. Ouch.
I know my perfect and merciful king loves me and will always allow me back in his presence because he paid the price I owe to have that allowance to be with Him. I could not have paid it myself- and I know there is absolutely nothing I could do to deserve it. This event, though, still applies. Considering that my King would lift His scepter on my behalf, why will I not enter at His call?? Am I too busy tending to my own feast? Or perhaps I am fearful or stubborn about the idea of people looking to or at me? Do I not believe what He tells me: that I am precious and beautiful to Him?? Sadly, each of these has been too often true.
But it is okay. Yes, my God is a God of wrath. And as His daughter, He will discipline me in love. But He will not in hatred throw me out. And no one can take me from Him. I belong to Him forever, and that is a covenant sealed by the Holy Ghost for eternity. Jesus said, 'My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand' (John 10:29).
It is my time to believe and run back to Him. Now. No waiting.
Jesus, engrain your purpose for me in my head and even more so in my heart. Help me to look to you with focus and faith unwavering and unaltered. Give me utterance as you allow. Give me opportunities if you will, but please help me to simply get my fulfillment out of being with You and not from feeling like a "good Christian" who fulfills my "duties" and... GROSS.
YOU, Lord, are my deepest desire, and I pray nothing in the universe will ever keep me from You.
I'm the type of person that loves to feel needed and it's sometimes difficult, to be honest, because I'm not needed. But that's not the problem. I am not being the missionary I'm called to be. I'm not fulfilling my purpose. That's still not the problem. Where is my source, where is my flow, where is my river of life? I guess I decided to swim in a different pool yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. Sure, I've dipped my toes in this water of life, but it's just not a comfortable temperature for me to dive into. It's not like I'm swimming in the pool of the world. It's my own little safe pool. I dug it out myself. Aren't you proud of me?
Ha, okay so it's a stupid analogy, but it's what came to mind and at least you get the point (or maybe you don't.) Regardless... it's lukewarm & it's disgusting.
I cannot be my own queen. I cannot be my own ruler. Where is my King? I decided to eat my breakfast instead of go to sup with Him. Where is my Love? I decided to sleep instead of prepare my heart for Him. Where is the One who paid the price for me? I need Him. I need Him and I know it, yet some one has been murmuring antithetical whispers into my ear.
It's is the father of lies. He was once my father, but my eyes were opened to his deceitful tactics; yet sometimes when I hear him I can't even recognize his voice as the traitor. Can I recognize my own Father's voice now? Do I know when I hear Truth? Please, Lord, give me the ears of one who is living. Let me hear and know that You are God and You are the Only One.
***
Esther 1. I'd forgotten the reason Ahasuerus was searching for a new queen:
It all started during a feast in the court of the king's garden. King Ahasuerus commanded his seven chamberlains to bring Vashti the queen before those present 'to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look upon' (11). Vashti, however, 'refused to come at the king's commandment' (12). So the seven princes of Persia convinced the king that if Vashti went unpunished, all women abroad would 'despise their husbands' (17) and there would be 'contempt and wrath' in the courts (18). The princes told the king to create a written law against Vashti forbidding her to come again in the presence of Ahasuerus and to replace Vashti as queen with a 'better' woman (19). It seems the king agreed without question and did exactly as the princes suggested, sending letters into every province written in all the diverse languages of the people (21-22).
I know this king is not at all the perfect King that mine is (actually, he's FAR from it), but I, unfortunately, seem to be extremely similar to Queen Vashti from the perspective of the king. My first reaction to this historical event: Why did Vashti refuse to come at the King's commandment? It is interesting to consider that she had also made a feast 'for the women in the royal house which belonged to king Ahasuerus' at this time (9) and that 'the heart of the king was merry with wine' as he asked for her presence. However, the Bible as far as I know does not give a sure excuse for the queen. (Actually, I think she was in the right- supposedly the king was having her dance naked or something, but idk- still). All I knows for sure is she didn't go before the king at his calling- any excuse she might have makes no difference to him- and as a result she may never come into the king's presence again. Not only that, but she will be replaced with some one even better. Never queen again. Ouch.
I know my perfect and merciful king loves me and will always allow me back in his presence because he paid the price I owe to have that allowance to be with Him. I could not have paid it myself- and I know there is absolutely nothing I could do to deserve it. This event, though, still applies. Considering that my King would lift His scepter on my behalf, why will I not enter at His call?? Am I too busy tending to my own feast? Or perhaps I am fearful or stubborn about the idea of people looking to or at me? Do I not believe what He tells me: that I am precious and beautiful to Him?? Sadly, each of these has been too often true.
But it is okay. Yes, my God is a God of wrath. And as His daughter, He will discipline me in love. But He will not in hatred throw me out. And no one can take me from Him. I belong to Him forever, and that is a covenant sealed by the Holy Ghost for eternity. Jesus said, 'My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand' (John 10:29).
It is my time to believe and run back to Him. Now. No waiting.
Jesus, engrain your purpose for me in my head and even more so in my heart. Help me to look to you with focus and faith unwavering and unaltered. Give me utterance as you allow. Give me opportunities if you will, but please help me to simply get my fulfillment out of being with You and not from feeling like a "good Christian" who fulfills my "duties" and... GROSS.
YOU, Lord, are my deepest desire, and I pray nothing in the universe will ever keep me from You.
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