Disbelief, Shock, Amazement. All of the Above.

Wow. I cannot believe the grace God has shown me [us] in this. How in the world did the Lord bring us together as He did, and how has he been preparing people's hearts and completely obliterating every idea of our own? He's so good. He's in control. No doubt about that.

I am stinkin excited to be in a relationship with the loving, handsome Clayton Blake Rookstool. Heck yes. What a lucky lucky woman to be blessed with such an incredible young man of God. I am profoundly full of joy.

Thank you, Lord, for letting us do this right.
I am amazed at the difference it makes when you do things God's way instead of your own:
Blessings from our Lord, spiritual and blood families, friends- even those we least expected. Wow.
I believe you now, Lord. Ha.

Astounded.

I have my father's blessing :)

Yours Alone (Phil Whickham)

Lord, You are the anchor

Refuge in the storm

Your words are wisdom

Shining in the dark

I hear Your voice on the water

I feel Your touch in the wind

You're above and beneath me

Surround my heart again

And I know that You are good

God, I know that all You do is good.

So I put my life in Your hands,

I'm Yours alone, I'm Yours alone

Surrender. Lord, I raise my hands

To You alone, to You alone

Lord, Your voice guides me

So tell me what to do

Your heart, it drives me

To follow after You

The Dead and the Living

I'm sick of cheap entertainment that is rude and worldy and in no way edifying or glorifying to Christ. I want to be done with stupid movies, stupid music, stupid everything. (I don't want to appear self-righteous- that is indeed NOT the case! but listen:) I want to be in worship to my God with every moment. If I live from heaven- if my home is the palace of my King- then why... why do I give a crap about this dead stuff in this strange land while people around the world need prayer and love and a Savior, a hope of real life? I was born in this generation for a reason, and it was not to fill my mind with crap for a quick laugh or a cool  twist for my brain's pleasure. And it was certainly not to show the world that there is absolutely no difference between the lost and the redeemed. Because that's false, right? I beg so.

Jesus, I want to live for YOU with ALL OF MY HEART, all of my MIND, all of my SOUL and my STRENGTH, my BODY, my RESOURCES. Everything.
Sometimes I don't live up to those desires because of my flesh or my lack of understanding. But I WANT TO. And I want to stop doing pointless things and wasting hours I could have been giving to You. Never am I satisfied when You are not there.

The Old Testament tithe was 10%- the firstfruits. 
The New Testament tithe is EVERYTHING.

A Common Battle

I am in the midst of war. I feel it, I see it. It is so difficult to abide right now. I know the angels are fighting hard against the devil right now. I know he's fighting hard back. But MY KING HAS THE VICTORY! I am overwhelmed, exhausted; my guard is down. My gates are weak, but my Jesus is protecting me. 

"cursed are the one who can't abide. he's right... but he's forgotten the refrain: JESUS SAVES!"

Songwriters: Barnard, Shane Corey

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

Isaiah 53

 ¹Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
 ²For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
 ³He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
 ⁴Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
 ⁵But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
 ⁶All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
 ⁷He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
 ⁸He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
 ⁹And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
 ¹⁰Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
 ¹¹He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
 ¹²Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

My Morning Jog

The only way for me to get through a run alone is to make it a physical application/practice of a spiritual truth. When I begin a run, I have no clue how I'm going to be able to make it all the way to the midpoint goal and back without stopping. I cramp, I have trouble breathing, my legs are stiff as an oak trunk. But I remember my mom's voice "When you get a cramp, run through it. You've just got to run through..." and I slowly pace my breathing- in through the nose, out the mouth. 1-2-3, 1-2-3. 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4.

I am on my way back. I want to stop every other moment. I begin to, but I tell myself No! Keep going, keep going. Press toward the mark. Do not give up. I realize I have grown up a lot in the past year. I am practicing dying to myself and in return my heart is being strengthened. I think about the struggle it has been to die to my fleshly desires lately, but I know if I continue to choose to do so the Lord will strengthen my heart and perfect me to be used for the glory of His name and kingdom!  Maybe eventually dying to my flesh will become second nature. I have much to learn.

Nearing the end of my run, all I can do is quote Galatians 2:20 over and over:

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Wow- my endurance is nothing. This run is nothing. ' [Jesus] visage was so marred more than any man, and his form more than the sons of men' (Isaiah 52:14). This is nothing for my flesh. And in life for my spirit: '...he hath poured out his soul unto death...and he bare the sin of many' (Isaiah 53:12). 

My sacrifice is nothing.