Because of Your Love...

I really love Jesus.

I love listening to Phil Whickham's new album about heaven and eden and just imagining walking with the Lord, worshiping Him, being with my mighty King! He is a God of wrath, yet he has been so merciful. He loves me so much for a reason I cannot understand. I cannot wait to literally be in His presence with my new body in heaven. I cannot wait to literally lay down any crown He has given me for Him because He is worthy. He is so good. I love that I am able to have tears over His beauty! Wow.

Lord, you are so strong and mighty. You are beautiful.

**

The Lord knows the desire of my heart. But I am willing to give it up. If it will become an idol in my heart, I do not want it. I will cease from my own wisdom and wait for his. He knows best. I am so excited about today and tomorrow and the next day and the rest of my life because no matter what happens I will be living and doing whatever I do with my God and I will live to glorify him. I love to enjoy my King, and more than anything I love to know that He is enjoying me and that He is pleased by me. I want to please Him. That is my purpose!

**

Lord, let my life be all about You.

Jesus you endured my pain
Savior you bore all my shame
All because of your love
All because of your love

Maker of the universe
Broken for the sins of the earth
All because of your love
All because of your love

Because of your cross my debt is paid
Because of you blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life, I freely give
Because of your love, Because of your love I live

Innocent and Holy king
You died to set the captive free
All because of your love
Lord you gave your life for me
So I will give my life for you
All because of your love
All because of your love

Because of your cross my debt is paid
Because of your blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life I freely give
Because of your love, because your love I live

You did it for me, you did it for love
I'ts your victory, Jesus you are enough 

Because of Your love... I Live.

"Nothing Bad Ever Happens to the Christian"

Even when things we consider to be sucky happen, God is using them to perfect his children.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:


Hebrews 10:14
For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.

*

The past few days, I've noticed a little bitterness/annoyance sneaking into my heart toward a few people. 

This morning, God brought Gal 6 to my mind:

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

It's time to get my armor on. Get into the war of prayer. Back up my sisters and brothers, and have an attitude of grace and humility toward the lost that need Christ so desperately. Jesus said that when they persecute us, I need not take it personally- it is because of Him. I need to be a servant to them- die for them- just as Jesus did even though they would bash on his name and his servants.


In a still and small voice, The Lord reminded me of my purpose: 

to please my Master.

1 Kings 8:61
Let your heart therefore be perfect with the LORD our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day.

1 John 4:17
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.

My portion

Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. 
Ps 73:25-26

Some would say that You cannot be found

Some would say that You are far away

But I know you're the God who lives in me

And I know You will always have my heart

'Cause You are good, and Your love endures for ever

You are good, and Your love endures for ever

You are good, and Your love endures for ever

You are good, You are good

You are the only one

You are the one that I desire

You are the only one, my King.

Called to Worship

Isaiah 42:5-12
Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for the light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house. I am the LORD: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images. Behold, the former things are come to pass, and new things do I declare: before they spring forth I tell you of them. Sing unto the LORD a new song, and his praise from the end of the earth, ye that go down to the sea. and all that is therein; the isles, and the inhabitants thereof. Let the wilderness and the cities thereof lift up their voice, the villages that Kedar doth inhabit: let the inhabitants of the rock sing, let them shout from the top of the mountains. Let them give glory unto the LORD, and declare his praise in the islands.

I don't want comfort.

I've sort of always had this mindset toward the homeless: it is almost always their fault. they'll never listen about Christ because they've heard it all before. They could have food and a home if they really wanted to, they just have to be willing to work. A lot of them are liars, anyway.

And you know what? I still think that is true most of the time, at least where I live. BUT. I know there are also some people whose lives have completely fallen apart and it is not their fault at all. They are trying hard to have food and a roof over their heads and just make it a few more days, and then a few more days. There are others who want to be homeless and are not willing to change. There are those who are searching for purpose in their lives, and those who have given up all hope. Regardless of where each comes from, he/she still needs Christ. Even if they will not listen, they need to hear. Seeds often need much watering, much time, good soil, the good old sun. They need to be consistently loved to Christ, just as those who seem to have it all together need love, or fear, to come to Him. ('some by compassion, some by fear').

Ever since before I moved dt, I've had a heart for the homeless. And even more for those who are hardly willing to help themselves. I want them to know the love of Christ, to have purpose, to give up whatever they are holding onto for Christ. I want them to be fed and feel like a normal human being, to have relationships with people and be blessed. I want them to know a church family who loves them no matter what. I want them to change into people who are willing to change because the power of Christ lives inside of them and is calling them to a greater purpose- to glorify his name and multiply his kingdom. Evangelism. Discipleship. Just as they've received (and I pray this is what they'll receive).

I also am burdened for the people at the market. Those from all the different countries. What can I say, what can I do?

Absolutely nothing. But the Holy Spirit can work and move. And I can obey.

Sometimes I wish I weren't such a little girl. I need to be protected, but I just want to risk everything for all of them to hear Christ. But I have to be faithful to the commandments of my father. And I have to respect people and their culture. I need help.

I want to pray, but I want to go beyond that and really be in the mission field and in the battle, praying constantly and doing what Christ would do. I realize, however, that my motives tend to be selfish, so I give it up and will do this only with the right heart and if You call me to. I will let Christ live through me in the places I go now- my work, my school, the store. Help me live fearlessly and with no shame.

It's funny how sometimes I am ashamed or scared to bring up Christ. But when I let that control me, I walk away ashamed. More ashamed than ever.

I want to live a life that is totally radical. I want to give up everything that is hard to give up.

Lord, lead me where you want me to go. Give me utterance. Give me opportunity. Even if they will not listen, I will speak to whomever you tell me to. Let me have the right focus every moment of my life. Let me not live for me, but completely turn from EVERYTHING to be right where you want me to be doing exactly what you want me to do. I will do it alone if you want. I don't care if I have nothing, I know you will provide for my needs. You have definitely shown me just that for the past 6 months.

I want to always be in your will. I want your blessing, I want to dwell with you. I want you to be pleased. I want this to be about YOU. That means that whether you want me to go or stay, I will do so. I will cease from mine own wisdom. Though I think I know what an exciting and fulfilled life in You might look like, I realize that I know nothing of your specific plan and will. If you want me to die in an accident now, then so be it. If you want me to be martyred, so be it. If you want me to have a normal American job & live a godly life here, so be it. If you want me to smuggle Bibles and/or be put in jail and tortured, so be it. Just open my eyes to what you have in front of me and I'll continue following you no matter what it looks like- no matter what my flesh desires.

I will praise you in every season, regardless of what has been given or taken. Regardless of how successful or broken things may seem. You are worthy, and You alone. For ever.

Psalm 73:25-26 'Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.'

I want You.

God's Excellent Judgement & Grace

[for context, read the previous post "Appointed Time for Battle"]

**

Wow.

Two mornings ago I felt like David when 'his anger was greatly kindled againts the man' (12:5) who Nathan said had taken the poor man's only ewe lamb. The lamb was like a daughter to the poor man. The rich man dressed it for the traveller, rather than the giving the traveller one of his own out of the exceeding many flocks and herds he had been blessed with. David says "As the LORD liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die: And he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity' (12:5-6)

I've not been able to understand how David could sleep with Bathsheba, whom he knew was married to Uriah, and then be so deceitful and prideful to try and cover up his sin in the ways he did when he found at Bathsheba was pregnant. First he calls Uriah back from battle to find out the progress of the battle and then tells him to go home and "wash thy feet" (11:8) so that Uriah will have sex with his wife, Bathsheba, so that he doesn't know David's sin when Bathsheba begins to show. At Uriah's refusal to go home (because the men are still in battle) David gets him drunk to try getting him to go down to his wife again. Still, it doesn't work, so David writes a letter to Joab telling him to put Uriah 'in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye him, that he may be smitten, and die' (11:15) So Joab places Uriah 'where he knew that valiant men were' (11:16) --this is really cool on a different note, but that's for another day. Sooo they battle with the city until Uriah, along with Abimelech and others, dies.

I was frustrated in knowing that David, a man 'after God's own heart' & such a great leader of God's people, could do such a wicked thing. (I mean, I already knew David was an adulterer and murderer, but I was getting really into the written story...)

But then Nathan tells David (referring to the rich man that had taken the poor man's ewe lamb), "Thou art the man" (12:7) Ouch! When I read this, I heard him speaking directly to me. He then goes on to tell him his consequences (the sword will never depart from his house & his wives were to be sexually humiliated in public). Although the consequences were great, God promised to put away his sin that he will not die (12:13).

*

Ironically all day yesterday I was battling guilt and memories of my own sin. I was frustrated because I hadn't had to deal with this in quite a while, but I just tried to ignore it as I thought of David and sat down to read my Halley's Bible Handbook for some answers.

Here is what I found:

[II Samuel] Chapters 11,12. David and Bathsheba

This was the blackest spot in David's life: adultery, and virtual murder to cover the adultery. His remorse made him a broken man. God forgave him; but pronounced the fearful sentence, "The sword shall never depart from thy house" (12:10), and it never did. David reaped exactly what he had sown, and more of it; a long and hard and bitter harvest. His daughter Tamar was raped by her brother Amnon, who in turn was murdered by their brother Absalom. Absalom led a rebellion against his father David, and was killed in the struggle. David's wives were violated in public, as he had secretly violated the wife of Uriah. Thus, David's glorious reign was clouded with unceasing troubles. What a lesson for those who think they can sin, and sin, and sin, and get away with it!

Yet this was the "man after God's own heart" (I Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22). David's reaction showed him to be just that. Some of the Psalms, as 32 and 51, were born of this bitter experience."

Okay.

So at the time when I needed it most and now with all the context, I read Psalm 51.

**

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

**

brokenness. utter brokenness. I had been so angry about David, just as he was with the rich man. Just as God told David through Nathan, I realized that God was saying to me through the Word, "Thou art the man". I had asked God to humble me and instantly He does.

"Against thee, thee only, have I sinned..."

I became so broken about my sin and so in awe of the tremendous grace and love God has for me in DYING and SUFFERING and being CRUCIFIED for me.

My sin not in part but the whole

is nailed to that cross

and I bare it no more!!

Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O My soul!!

"Deliver me from bloodguiltiness"

I had JUST been talking to a friend about how we can be free from guilt if we believe Jesus' blood is powerful enough to cover all sin. It had been so difficult all day for me to believe this, but considering David's sin and God's love for him despite his fall, it is now easier to believe and walk with no regret, but simply more forgiven.

This is what I needed. a broken & contrite spirit. A realization of God's grace despite man's unworthiness. A powerful love for my God.

What a righteous judge God is.

Appointed Time for Battle

II Samuel 11

vs.1 'And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle...'

I have never noticed this before! There was an appointed time for battle? Does that apply spiritually today? If that specific time were literal, I'd be in Spain or Morocco at the time of battle. :P

The rest of the chapter just makes me want to be angry at David, ha. It's crazy to think at first that such a man of God can be so lustful and deceitful. But then I think about it, and I remember how deceitful and desperately wicked our hearts are- my heart is. And I'm nothing compared to King David and all God did through Him! Also, Jesus came to save the sinners, the lost. I'm glad that David wasn't perfect. That he was far from perfect. And yet God used him mightily. And it's really a great story how God deals with his sin in Chapter 12.

**

I DON'T GET II Sam 12:8. I don't get how many wives is okay. adsljershg. God says he gave David his master's house and his master's wives into his bosom, etc. GOD gave them. In the Bible it is written that if a man is married to more than one wife, he'll love one and hate the other. Neither is it blameless, as the bishops were called to be husband to one wife. Yet King David is allowed to be married to several? I mean, I know it doesn't apply to my life today very much due to the culture I'm living in, but still. ??? Also, Rom 7- women are adulterers if married to more than one husband. When did this law of multiple husbands/wives change? why? how...

Watching & Waiting

Habakkuk 2

1I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

2And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

3For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

4Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.

YAHOOOO God of Sovereignty!

GOD IS SO GOOD.

This week has been frustrating, but God has been with me in every moment!

I just realized that I already have an entire semester under my belt! Especially if the Lord allows me to pass this theory test Jan. 11th!

here's the low down:

6 hrs- Keyboard 1, 2, 3

3 hrs- Ear training 1, 2, 3

3 hrs- English 110

3 hrs if I pass the test for Theory I.

Plus I have 4 hrs on my transcript from Calc in hs.

So if i pass the test, that's a total of 19 hrs! That's a semester plus maybe a few!

What a blessing! I was worried about graduating late, but hey! God was in control the whole time! (uuhh duh)

I never would have guessed being sick for weeks could be such a blessing. I have gotten to spend so much needed time with the Lord renewing our relationship and studying and falling in love with Him and His WORD. Incredible. I have learned so much about prayer and faith and I've had to depend on him alone so much. And he has done so many mighty works for me to tell all who will listen! I've also gotten to see my family much more and really get things in perspective, get focused, get burdened, get ready!

WOW!

I'm so ready.

**

He has come through financially more than I can explain. Wow. CONSTANT blessing. ABUNDANT life with every need met just in time (in HIS time) and to HIS glory. He has truly answered not only my prayers, but abundantly above all that I can ask or think. AND IN SUPERNATURAL WAYS.

Spain and Morocco. -$400 given to me- just what I needed from the Lord! + extra!

Children's Mercy. -exempt from the $800 charged for my 1 day in Urgent Care + 1 entire year of free medical anything from Children's Mercy & Pharmacy! (I don't have insurance, so this is fantastic and totally unexpected!)

UMKC. -total refund from all fall classes + I have a semester done anyway! & this happened just in time for things to get worked out with work and for my own peace of mind haha

Rent and living. -+ shopping and entertainment and being able to give even more than I knew I'd have to give!

And I'm trusting in him for some issues with KCP&L

and I could add even more specific fantastic praises onto each of those!

INCREDIBLE. (I'd describe each circumstance in more detail, but I have to wake up in less than 4 hrs for work. haha. just know each issue was long and frustrating and had me trusting totally in the Lord for deliverance because I was not in control one bit!)

AND THE PEOPLE WHOSE HEARTS HE HAS CAPTURED! (I can think of Jesse and Kaitlin right off the top of my head!) And He's working in so many more hearts and lives!

***

SPAIN AND MOROCCO! SO SOON! I CANNOT WAIT. Oh my goodness I am so stoked! AAAHHHHH

GOD YOU ARE GOOD. YOU ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN SILVER. MORE COSTLY THAN GOLD. MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN DIAMONDS.

NOTHING I desire compares with YOU.

***

not to mention the countless number of EXTREMELY close calls with my truck and another vehicle. SERIOUSLY. He has angels watching over me that is FOR SURE.

Newly-Crowned

II Samuel 10

This chapter describes how Hanun, who has just taken his father's place as king of Ammon, gives in to silly superstition (aka he's deceived by a lie) and brings about destruction upon his people, the children of Ammon.

After David shows kindness to Mephibosheth, Saul's lame grandson (for Jonathan's sake), He decides to show kindness to Hanun (for the kindness of Nahash, Hanun's father, showed to David). (This is also another crazy thing to consider- Just as David did, God blesses those who bless us. And this just fits the theme of blessing/cursing passing along from father to son. So if you care about your children, be a blessing, and they'll be blessed for it too! Also, thank your parents if you are blessed because of their love and kindness to the Lord!) Anyhoo here's the story:

2 Then said David, I will shew kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, as his father shewed kindness unto me. And David sent to comfort him by the hand of his servants for his father. And David's servants came into the land of the children of Ammon.

3 And the princes of the children of Ammon said unto Hanun their lord, Thikest thou that David doth honour thy father, that he hath sent comforters unto thee? hath not David rather sent his servants unto thee, to search the city, and to spy it out, and to overthrow it?

Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.

5When they told it unto David, he sent to meet them, because the men were greatly ashamed: and the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

6 And when the children of Ammon saw that they stank before David, the children of Ammon sent and hired the Syrians of Bathrehob, and the Syrians of Zoba, twenty thousand footmen, and of king Maacah a thousand men, and of Ishtob twelve thousand men.

7 And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

[The Syrians then flee before Joab and the Israelites with him, then the Ammonites flee before Abishai and the Israelites with him (after seeing the Syrians do so), and then the Syrians gather together & Hadarezer sends them to fight with David. This time, not only do they flee before Israel, but David kills 700 chariots of Syrian men, 40,000 horsemen, and Shobach their captain] (GET IT, KING DAVID)

vs 19 And when all the kings that were servants to Hadarezer saw that they were smitten before Israel, they made peace with Israel, and served them. So the Syrians feared to help the children of Ammon any more.

David was trying to bless Hanun the children of the land of Ammon with honour and comfort the whole time! If only Hanun had believed David's servants/messengers and accepted his blessing rather than becoming all defensive and fighting because of superstition, thousands of lives wouldn't have been taken. But it's awesome how God got the glory regardless. Kings made peace with Israel and became servants to them. The people now had the fear of the Lord!

This event just cracks me up bc Hanun is like so many of us believers who act as if God is just out to get us. We believe He's always trying to think of ways to trick us and get us out of control so he can destroy our lives or keep us from fun when in fact He wants to bless his children. He knows that when we're in control, we screw ourselves over and miss out on true blessing.

Stop being so defensive. Stop believing lies. Use the judgement of the Word. "Let my sentence (judgement/verdict) come forth from thy presence"- Spend time with the Lord and realize he wants to bless you! If you are a child of God, there is no greater thing he wants for you than for you to be blessed in Him. That may not mean perfect circumstances, but it does mean Him- and He is the ultimate prize.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.